am I strong or stupid?

buat perempuan yang bulan depan genap 32 tahun, saya masih bisa dipecundangi cinta. love once again had made me fall a part. tapi seperti kopi yang pahitnya tetap menyisa sekalipun dituang bersendok gula, saya menikmati getirnya. sebut saja saya drama queen, melebihkan sedih atau bahkan sadomasokis, pencari sakit.

saya berubah untuk cinta, saya berbuat banyak untuk cinta dan cinta mengajarkan saya untuk sabar dan iklas. that was exactly what i did for him. changed the thing that i hate most... waiting :-). anyway i did it because of love. i love him but not trully in love with him. your brain tells when something is not right, but your feeling is covered with love and keep trying to denial it. until i finally find the end of my road to love him.

friday on the phone around 7 pm.. we were fighting, arguing then come to the end.. we just didnt see LOVE on the same perspective. on the other word, he didnt love me as much as i love him.

friday around 9.30 pm... we were on the same table for a dinner invitation. put my big smile and act professionally. what ever happened between us, there were friends who wanted to enjoy the dine.

friday around 11 pm... we were on the rock cafe. i got drunk for the first time and he was there sat in front of me without even look or talk to me.. i could only see his back...

saturday... he flew back to bkk while i finally cried all alone. cried all day, wondering did I do the right thing? all i ever want that day was sleeping, so i dont cry or think about him.

sunday... i relieved, smile again, back on the track again. thanks to my beautiful Zi who keeping me busy. but something strange happened. three times i fall to sleep, and had the same dream about him... i got scared of sleeping.

its me today... woke up without him on my dream.. thank you god. hope i finally back on my track again.

saya tidak kapok jatuh cinta, tenang saja. saya menikmati cinta manis dan pahitnya. he was coloring my life and leave me with the sweet and bitter memories. but that's love right :-) and i dont hate him..